Previous Dilemma:
Burning inside instead of burning bridges

After over five years of service, I recently “retired” from a company to manage my own business full-time. I gave the standard two-week notice and started preparing to help with the transition. The company cut my two weeks short, and my manager was disrespectful to me during the process.

Since then, I’ve been furious with the manager and the situation. I did the best I could to serve the company and was loyal and honest. Having never received closure, I’ve been careful because I don’t believe in burning bridges.

The company did nothing illegal, so this doesn’t call for a lawsuit. And I might need a good recommendation from my manager someday. I think some action will help me get over this, but what? Should I talk to the director or someone else? I’m still burning inside despite trying to forget about the company. Nothing works. How do you work past these nasty feelings?

— Gone, but not forgotten

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Summary of Advice Received

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Four Ways to Find Delicious Zen
How to get rid of the bitter taste of a former employer
by Meryl K. Evans, Editor, B2B Social Media Digest

Everyone applauds the bitter ex-employee’s wisdom in not burning bridges. That’s a great first step. Now on to taking care of the resentment business so you can get a move on with the new post-corporate Zen life.

If you need to talk to someone, go for it as long as it’s not someone from the company. “You’ve already left the company. What good is appearing to be a ‘negative Nelly’ now?” asks Leslie Deno. “The person with the least credibility on the planet is the person who has left his/her company. You need to work through some things and that’s fine, but your previous employer isn’t the one to help you do it.”

With that in mind, readers and experts provide four ways to deal with the resentment:

• Look at the situation from a different perspective.
• Pour your energy into the new job.
• Write a letter.
• Let time do the trick. 

Of course, if you have other advice, please share it in the comments, or if you’re facing a different challenge, please tell us about it so we can post it and ask for advice.

Look at the situation from a different perspective

Even if you’re the kind of person who tries to consider all views, it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing only one side. The situation could be the result of company policy, as Monique Ramsey, director of patient services, shares a lesson learned from hiring and firing class. “They told us to NEVER accept the two-week notice from an employee. The reasons were that so many things can go wrong during that two weeks — they could take your client list or sabotage your business in another way, or get paid to do nothing because they have mentally ‘checked out,’ or (insert problematic issue here) so hopefully this will help you feel better and not take it personally. They were just going by the book,” Ramsey says.

Not all readers believe that giving the standard notice is always the right thing to do. The length of the notice varies from country to country. Jillian Zavitz, TalktoCanada.com programs manager, believes employees should give the required notice. Sometimes she takes them on it, and other times she lets them go early. Why let them go early?

“They don’t want to be there and won’t put their all into the job. It’s important for me to have employees on board who will put 110 percent into their job no matter what. To get over these feelings, just think about the good times you had at the company and understand that sometimes it’s better (if they have the personnel) to take you out immediately,” says Zavitz.

Stephanie Jeffery Carlino, co-founder of the Long Island Breakfast Club, agrees that the company did the employee a favor. She had to give an eight-week notice when she resigned from a job. “It was the longest eight weeks of my life; they froze me out from major decisions. Be grateful they let you out early, to have done that for me would have been a godsend,” Carlino says.

Wendie A. Howland of Howland Health Consulting, Inc. flips the situation upside down. “You were dissed by your old manager and furious over this. Did you stop to think that perhaps s/he thought you had dissed the company that treated you well for five years and was furious about that?” says Howland.

Pour your energy into the new job

What could be better revenge than becoming successful in your new job? Since you own the business, you probably have more freedom. “No doubt your manager was pissed off at your escape to freedom. Feel sorry for them and go have a latte at your leisure and go see an occasional movie at lunchtime. The world is your oyster while they are sitting in their cubbies,” writes Leslie Singer, co-founder and chief creative officer, HS Dominion.

A reader suggests to smile and take responsibility for your own success. “Their behavior is a reflection of themselves and not you. Maybe they already realize how much they’ll miss your work? In any event, be sure to send your old team PR from your new business, and irregular reminders of how well you are doing,” the reader says. 

Dan Michalko provides a tip for planning on your success. “Buy three thank-you cards: one for your manager, and one for the managers two levels above your manager. Then write the cards out envisioning your success in six months. The note should state something like ‘I’d like to circle back and say thanks for cutting me loose prematurely after providing you the courtesy of a two-week notice. While the disrespect demonstrated by my manager, xxx, during my notice period after investing five years with the company was unfortunate, it provided me the impetus to focus on building my business.

“‘As a result, I am now in a position to enable others to succeed. It is my sincere hope that your company has developed an exit interview process to capture lessons learned from anyone leaving your business.’ And for the levels above your manager include: ‘Please feel free to call me should you have questions, or if I can assist your company with any of your needs in the areas of xxx, or xxxx,’” says Michalko.

Write a letter 

You’ve probably heard advice along the lines of write a letter and then burn it. Readers like Russ Seel, founder and CEO of RH Positive, offer another take on this approach. “Write the offenders a letter thanking them for the good experiences you did have and wish them well in the future. You’ll be surprised/amazed at the change in your attitude and likely theirs as well. The good repercussions are eternal,” says Seel.

Linda Konstan, Sensible Human Resources Consulting LLC, believes an exit letter is something any resigning employee may want to do. “I would write a strong ‘exit’ letter (even after the fact) and ask that they place it in your personnel file. That letter will thank everyone for the opportunities they gave you and list all your accomplishments,” Konstan says.

Harley Rivet of Rivet Consulting has been through the situation before and has avoided saying bad things about the former employer. Rivet applies the getting down your feelings while not sharing them with anyone approach. “They treated me wrong so don’t I have a right to be mad? They were the perpetrators, and I was the victim. I feel violated. I have found writing about the experience a bit therapeutic since it helps get the feelings out without publicly sharing the writings. I will always have a scar to remind me but think of it as something that gives me character and more life experience,” says Rivet.

Let time do the trick

Time heals all wounds. Maybe this situation requires more time than usual. John Barnes quotes the 12-Step Program, “‘Time takes time.’ Just because you know how you want to feel, and that you will feel that way eventually, doesn’t mean you’re ready to feel it now. Cut yourself some slack. Be bitter if you have to be until it’s time to be over it,” says Barnes.

How about a good laugh? Deepak Gupta recommends eBossWatch, a site devoted to the worst bosses. Granted, it’s a serious website where you can search for bad bosses, but hang out long enough, and you’ll start laughing.

“The closure you are looking for is inside of you. You are the one who needs to close that chapter. Remember all the good that occurred over so many years, not the end,” says Kathi Elster of K Square Enterprises.

Have you been through a situation where you left a company on bad terms? How did you handle it? What’s your advice for people in this situation? Please join the discussion in the comments because we want to hear from you. 

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About the editor

Meryl K. Evans is senior editor at InternetVIZ and the content maven behind the Connected Digest, B2B Social Media Digest and Professional Services Journal. Follow her on Twitter @merylkevans.